Tag Archives: Writing

Untitled Short

 

I died the night she left me. The sting of her words was still burning in my head when I went to cross the street. I never saw the car coming. In an instant, I was lost.

I’ve spent two months hovering over my broken body. It’s true that the machines are what keep me alive, but my mind is still wide awake. My thoughts are clearer now than they ever have been.

I don’t remember the impact. That is a small blessing, to say the least. I do remember the pain though. Not the pain of having my body thrown over a hundred feet or the pain of my bones crackling as I hit the pavement. No, I’m talking about the pain of heartache. My body was just catching up with my heart.

I don’t blame her for giving up. I made too many mistakes. I took for granted that she would always be there – always be my wife. If my life’s lesson was to learn that it takes more than love – more than passion even, then I learned well. It takes more than love. It takes trust.

I’ve had plenty of time to think about the many mistakes I made while floating over my lifeless form. I’ve watched people come and go; some shocked by my disfigured body, others weeping as they say their last good-byes. Nobody thinks I am going to live, and perhaps I won’t. I was dead before that car ever struck me. I was dead the moment she let go.

There are no angels or demons here. No heaven or hell. It’s the same space I’ve inhabited all along. I don’t know what will happen if I let go. I could float off into a black void and simply cease to exist. I might discover the answers to the greatest questions ever imagined. More than likely, I think I will continue to be here, attached to a world that I can no longer hold claim to. My physical body would simply serve as food for the Earth and my conscience would be eternal. There are so many possibilities, but absolutely no assurances.

I hear her whispering to me at night. She fights me most just before sleep. I listen as she asks for my forgiveness or curses me for leaving her in this wretched world alone. I hear every single word.

I wish I could hold her, touch her, and reassure her that I am fine. But I’m not really fine at all, am I? Even if I were to make a miraculous recovery and return to the life I knew before the accident, I still wouldn’t be fine. I was fine when I knew she loved me. I was fine when she was by my side. I was fine when we dreamed about our future together. No, I’ll never again be fine.

I have to wonder if I’m holding on to this life just to be close to her. Is it more selfish of me to want to hang on to her than it is to cut myself off from my body? Am I not killing a part of her by giving up? Yes, I realize it’s that I’m selfish. I’ve always been selfish. If it weren’t for my selfishness she may still be my wife and I might not have walked in front of that car. If, if, if…all these ifs.

I acknowledge the severity of my crimes. I ask only for her forgiveness as each day I fade. I am beyond prayer and still no closer to God. There’s no penance for the guilty soul. I must let go and end these dreams of absolution. There’s no peace in delaying the inevitable. Now, be quiet my mind and deliver my soul.


Smut vs. Erotica

It’s 2:08 a.m. — yes! I can’t sleep although I’m exhausted. It’s like my body and brain have been taken over by some invisible force that demands I keep going. If I were a robot, I would be on the verge of explosion. These spurts of restlessness have to be caused by something, right? I could have adult ADHD – eek!

It just occurred to me that I haven’t written any erotica lately. Perhaps I need to broaden my horizons and zoom in on a new duo — or perhaps trio! I doubt it — the trio thing, I mean — I tend to focus on duos better 😉

There needs to be good erotica — classy erotica, not smut. Nothing wrong with smut though. Getting down and dirty is perfectly fine when the mood is fitting.

My characters, strangely enough, always seem to be monogamous. Not that I’m a player — quite the opposite! I would rather focus on the dynamics of a relationship. I think that comes from the idea society throws out that once we’re married or committed that the relationships grows boring in the bedroom. That’s certainly not the case for everyone! Why not create strong characters who get off all day at work thinking about fucking the hell out of their significant others?

Smut often has themes that can be geared toward violent fantasies. I guess there’s some connection between how graphic the story is and how it collaborates with your fantasies? That’s much harder for me to write. You can look at the 2 post evolution of Dick & Jane to see that! I prefer the mystery, the tease, if you will. I have enough dark fantasies to last me a lifetime so I want my characters to have some semblance of “normalcy”, whatever the hell that is!

Why am I writing about smut?? Eh, who knows!


Ever Onward

This is my first blog post of 2011. I would have probably let it slide at least another day had I not stopped to consider how much I love to procrastinate. While procrastination is definitely a battle I deal with daily, I’ve been doing pretty good of late with setting short goals and sticking with them.

I would have never thought two weeks ago that I would have started a Twitter novel and written consistently for 10 whole days!  I actually believe the story’s even taking shape. I’m actually finding this type of writing to be less stressful for me and probably a big part of why I’m not procrastinating so much. I’ve also started friending others on Twitter who write Twitter novels, 140 character short stories and poetry and am hoping to submit something in the near future. How exciting and an excellent way for me to start off the new year!

One more week before classes begin again. I’m excited about it — I hate having a break at Christmas for so long. The time is maddening, really. I plan on making sure that I keep myself busy during the next long break. I’ll find something creative to do, and perhaps volunteer for a local animal rescue or shelter.

Speaking of writing, I should write another one of those erotic shorts — what do you think? Something steamy is good for the soul lol. Perhaps I’ll let loose this time and be as scandalous as I am in my brain. God forbid anybody get in there lol.

Ok, enough babbling. I’ve jumped the hurdle of the first post of 2011, so now things can begin to flow again!