I remember when President Bill Clinton signed DADT. I watched Ellen DeGeneres come out on her then popular sitcom, Ellen. I still have a copy of Time magazine with Ellen on the cover proclaiming, “Yep, I’m Gay!” KD Lang and Melissa Etheridge were all the rage when I first came out. That was almost 20 years ago.
I took a break from the LGBT community for years. I came to a place where I accepted myself as a lesbian and did not want to segregate myself from everyone else. I preferred to be in the company of straight and bisexual people who completely accepted me for who I am. I found many in the LGBT community to be exclusive and have a disgust for straight people. It didn’t fit with me, so I distanced myself from it.
It wasn’t until I found myself back in college due to having my job shipped off to India that I began to attempt to reconnect with the LGBT community. A friend of mine suggested I join Twitter, which is where I have had the most success at connecting with and exploring the expanded horizons of what I had missed in those years outside the community. So many things have changed — for the better!
I like to think that if most people I interact with online knew my age, they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve always been a kid at heart. I feel and look much younger than I am — a bonus — and I tend to feel most comfortable with people who are younger than I am. I have been fortunate enough to connect with people via Twitter that I am learning about all the new possibilities available to me. It’s an exciting time for me!
My biggest challenge thus far is finding people who are closer to my age. There are tons of tweens and most of them think people my age are ancient lol. When I came out, I had never heard of genderqueer, FTM or preferred pronouns. I now identify as genderqueer — I am male mentally and female physically. In other words, I’m a male in a female body. I do not consider myself to be “trapped” in this body. I enjoy this body, and, I have options available to me today to change my physical body through surgery if I should ever want that. Thing is, I don’t want that, so I do not identify as FTM although I am fascinated by the transition taken on by so many.
A Twitter friend asked my preferred pronoun yesterday and I was so elated that I felt like a child lol. It was the first time someone had ever asked me that and for me it was huge! It meant that someone else recognized that I may not identify as female although I have this girly body. It meant that someone else respected me enough to ask. I had no idea what to say, other than to thank her. I had never though about pronouns. I have certainly read about gender neutral pronouns, but had never connected that to myself. So, last night, I did some research. I ended up feeling most comfortable with the pronoun ze instead of he or she. It’s one more step in my expanding identity and it feels amazing!