It’s just another day

December 25th. Most people know it better as Christmas. To me, it’s just a day like any other day.

When I was a child and my parents were still living, Christmas was magical. Looking back I could easily say that I was the luckiest kid in the world. Santa always seems to know exactly what I wanted and I always got what I asked for, so I imagined that I must have been a very good child. On the contrary, I was hell to deal with!

My father died when I was 10. He was the big kid at holidays. He would spend hours teetering on tall ladders placing multi-colored lights perfectly on all our trees and outlining our house. We had the best decorations in the neighborhood, and when it snowed, it was even more spectacular.

My mother, who died when I was 14, handled the indoor decorations which included a giant fake tree. I used to help her hang the ornaments on it. She would cook, preparing for my older siblings to arrive with their families, wrap presents — at which time she demanded that I go outside to help my dad, and when the sun started going down, I would come in for hot chocolate, marveling at all presents under the tree and the pretty lights decorating my own personal winter wonderland outside.

So much changed after my parents died. I rebelled against the only form I held responsible for being so cruel as to leave me without parents and alone — God. It’s not even that my parents had been religious. I mean, my mother used God, or more likely, Jesus, to try to instill fear in me concerning certain issues. She detested going to church though, which was just fine with me because I’d rather sleep in on Sunday mornings! My father “found” God sometime in the last year of his life and spend more and more time being reclusive reading his bible. He must have been trying to “get right with the Lord” for previous indiscretions.

As I got older, my hatred for God began to dwindle. It was the Christians and all of their hate that made me full of rage. Long before I identified as an Atheist, I identified as anti-Christian. I dabbled into the dark side, still filled with hate and fear. I was consumed with both and found life unbearable. I didn’t really care if I lived or died during those days. I look back now and realize how lucky I am to have survived.

Reason saved me. My internal desire for knowledge and exploration led me to study philosophies that encouraged me to think rationally. It is as if my mind transformed by logical thinking. The hate, and more importantly, fear, slowly seeped out of me. I grew strong in truth and found myself…reborn.

I don’t hate Christmas. I don’t much care for the fiasco it causes and what it’s come to represent — greed. It is the one time of the year that humans return to their primal animalistic selves. It’s a Capitalists dream come true — the rich getting richer off the poor buying outlandish gifts they can’t afford for children who will be bored with them and demanding even more expensive gadgets a month later.

Christmas — what a joke! It’s just another day!


About HERR

Atheist, Transman, Political Junkie, Animal Advocate, Dark Poet, Erotic Wordsmith, Macabre Dreamer, Forensics Geek, Procrastinator, History Buff, Transgender Activist, Bibliophile & Shapeshifter View all posts by HERR

2 responses to “It’s just another day

  • Sibel Catana

    As I read through it, I first laughed at your dad being the big kid and you being a handful for your parents, then I felt sorrow as you talked about the death of your parents and then I started unknowingly nodding as you talked about reason being the one that has saved you.

    Then I realized we think the same way about Christmas, I like it too, but I don’t make such a big deal out of it and yes it is a lot about greed isn’t it? Everyone tries to make a profit from this.

    Great post! šŸ™‚ And Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! LOL šŸ˜€ I imagine your face is all in twitches and grimaces right now so I roll on the floor laughing. Sowwy! Here is a HUG. :p

    • HERR

      My dad was always a big kid! And, yes, I was a terror hehe!

      I think in my quest to try to write more, I have come to realize that I will have to open up more about myself. If not, I run out of things to write about, and, I think it’s good for those people to have an idea where I’m coming from. It’s a risk, but I’m ok with that!

      I’m actually laughing too! Belated Merry Christmas right back at you!! Now, we must never tell the big, bad Atheists else they call us fakes lol!

      I graciously accept your hug and give you a bigger one back, my friend! We must collaborate on a project sometime.

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